Saturday, March 1, 2008

On Fighting Denial


I warn you up front, that this post is a bit philosophical. So if you're not into that kinda thing, don't read this, but enjoy the pictures.

Each day as I watch Jessie grow and learn new things, I find myself drifting dangerously back into denial of the disease. I'm a reasonable intelligent man (although Kristi might argue that one ;-0), and I know that Jessie has RE, and I know that she will have to have a hemispherectomy. My mind plays tricks on my heart and visa versa.

I'm not sure if "denial" is an emotion or just a saftety mechanism that keeps us from all ending up in straight jackets. I think that the intent of denial is for our own mental health. However, with RE, it's just one giant mental anomaly that can't be resolved, no mater how much you read, think, and pray.

On the one hand, I know that the earlier that Jessie has the operation, the better off she will be in her recovery, while on the other hand, I watch her play outside, and I am confounded beyond resolution.

A good friend of mine, Greg, gave me some good advice around Christmas time. It is really just now making sense to me. This was the time during the disease that I was VERY angry at God for doing this to my daughter. He told me that God was trying to bring me closer to Him. Well, it is working, but why does it have to be so hard on everyone?

Here are some pictures that I took of Jessie today. Cris

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